Tuesday, April 4, 2017

A Few Stories for April Fools

I work on a university as a security guard. One night I received  a 3am call of a "haunted dorm room". We get there and find the girls were in tears. They had googled instructions for a home exorcism, made homebrew holy water, crosses and printed out photos of Jesus and plastered them all over the walls. They said they would hear things like footsteps, a child's laughter, a whispering voice saying "hey can you hear me?

As we interviewed them, we heard it once, they screamed and burst into tears. Their RA, bless his heart, tried to help by offering the advice that at least the ghost wasn't threatening or malicious and probably meant us no harm. We asked him to leave rather than feed into the whole hysteria.

Took us a while to pin down where it was coming from but to make a log story short, someone took one of those novelty motion activated prank things and stuck it to the inside of one of the bed frames. When we were done, we asked the girls if they minded if we disposed of the thing, to which they enthusiastically agreed, and we promptly hid it in our dispatchers locker and watched the cycle continue.

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I took a few criminology courses in college. One of my professors was a retired local cop. He told us about an older woman who would call weekly because aliens were jumping around on her roof. They would send out an officer. The officer who went usually just stood outside in her front yard waving his baton and yelling at the aliens to go away until the old lady was happy.

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