Thursday, December 1, 2016

The Wrong Apartment

I was living in an apartment with a roommate- but she had practically moved out and in with her new boyfriend at this point. My boyfriend worked at a bar about a 15 minute walk from my place, and he had texted me before his shift telling me he forgot his key. I knew I wouldn't stay awake until 3 am when he usually got in, so I told him I would keep the door unlocked. My apartment had a 'town house walk up' type setting, and we had a front door that you entered from outside, but it was still a part of a large building.

I'm in my bed sleeping, and I hear my front door open. I figured it was around 2:30 am, and assumed it was Jake coming in from his shift. It's pitch black in my bedroom, I don't have my contact lenses in, plus I had just been woken up by the door, so needless to say I was basically useless.

My bedroom door opens, I see a male figure in my doorway. Without my contact lenses in, the person looked like he had a smaller frame than my boyfriend. He stood there for a second, and when I said, "Jake?" (bf's name), they didn't answer, walked past my bed and went straight into my en suite bathroom. I was laying there, so discombobulated, not even sure if I was dreaming at this point. Maybe Jake answered and I didn't hear, maybe it was my roommate coming in after a night out hammered.

I'm laying there, waiting for Jake to come out of the bathroom. Suddenly I realize I have to pee. So, I go to my roommate's bathroom and am sitting on the toilet with my cellphone- probably creeping reddit tbh. I decide to text my boyfriend. I asked where he was. Expecting him to reply with something like, "i'm in the bathroom, idiot". I get a reply from him and it says, "Sorry! It was so busy tonight- I'm cleaning up now. Should be back in half an hour".

Suddenly, I'm sitting there with my pants around my ankles, realizing there was a person in my apartment. I immediately leave her bathroom, peek around, and I see one man's shoe in my front hallway. By this point I freak out. I run out my front door, text Jake to tell him there was someone in my apartment. He tries to reassure me, and once I told him the shoe component, he left his work immediately and ran over to my place.

Obviously I know you're all going to think I'm crazy for not calling the cops- but I figured if the person wanted to hurt me, they probably would have while I was in bed when they walked by me at my most vulnerable. I was living with a complete disaster of a roommate who used to get blackout drunk, and my first thought was that maybe her booty call was in my bathroom.

Jake runs over, I'm sitting outside the apartment, and we go back inside together. He sees the shoe, and we walk into my room, and Jake opens the bathroom. Jake suddenly goes, "what the fuck?".
It's a blackout drunk dude. Passed out on my toilet. Mid-shit. LIKE MID-SHIT. I'm like OK WHAT THE FUCK MAN YOU SCARED ME. YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT, YOU DON'T LIVE HERE.

Over and over again he keeps telling me this is his apartment. Finally, we get him up, he looks around. Realizes it's not his apartment. He pulls his underwear up, takes off his pants and probably 15 dollars worth of change falls out. He looks around, says, "oh. I don't live here. This is embarrassing".

He leaves, with his one shoe, and I never saw him again. My boyfriend and I still joke that this dude could have come into my bed and passed out without me knowing, and Jake could have walked into my in bed with another guy. My TRUE story is something he would not have believed.

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