Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Scary Shit Kids Say

My daughter saw me getting dry skin off my shoulder after a bad sunburn and asked if she could keep my skin flakes and put them in a jar so when I die she can make a mommy mask and remember me always.

I was tucking in my two year old. He said “Good bye dad.” I said, “No, we say good night.” He said, “I know. But this time it’s good bye.”

I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in-clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, “Death is the poor man’s doctor.” And that was that.

We had a cat that had still born kittens. My son asked me if we could make crosses for them, which we did. As we were making them, he asked:
Son: “Aren’t those too small?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Son: “Aren’t we going to nail them to them?”
Me: (After several moments of silence) “We’re not going to do that.”
Son: “Oh.”


We had just moved into a new house and two kids showed up at the door. When I asked if I could help them, one of them said, “our mom wants us to tell you, the old people who used to live here are buried at the end of the road.” They ran off and I have never seen those kids again to this day.

When my daughter was 3 she woke up one morning looking rough. I asked if she slept okay and she said, “No! Popaw Mike kept me up all night pinching my toes!” My dad, her Popaw Mike, passed away 8 years before she was born and that’s how he used to wake my brother and I up when we were little.

My 3-year-old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for a while, then turned and looked at me and said, “Daddy it’s a monster… we should bury it.”

My son telling me in the sweetest of voices in a consoling tone… “Don’t worry mommy, I’ll never murder you.”

From my neighbor’s three year old: “When’s the baby going to come out of your tummy?!” I didn’t even know that I was pregnant yet.

One night I let my then 3 year old sleep with me because my husband was gone. It was dead quiet in the house and she whispers “Ive got ya where I want ya and now I’m gonna eat ya”.

When my son was three, he came and climbed into bed with us, crying. I asked what was wrong, he said that the big fat man with a bloody hole in his head kept trying to open his window.

My best friend Lisa died when I was pregnant with my daughter. When my daughter was 3 I heard her laughing. I said ” what are you laughing at?” She said ” auntie Lisa is making silly faces at me and playing with me.”

My five year old has stuck to this SAME story since he was 3: "I remember my last mom and dad died and you found me, remember, I was on the side of the road when you found me as a baby. I had a little sister before but she’s dead too."

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