Thursday, October 20, 2011

Random Abuse

This is probably way to late in the thread to get any reads, but it will be good to get this off of my chest. It's not the scariest situation I've been in by far but probably one that unnerved me for the longest period of time, causing me years of panic attacks and fear of travelling alone.

In NYC on a train heading from Brooklyn to the city, a stop or two before the bridge, in the middle of the day, enough of a packed car to occupy all seats with some people standing... I was sitting down, when this huge man walked by and stopped right in front of me. He didn't look homeless, just some angry dude that must have been doped out of his mind on crack, cocaine, or some combination of both. He was dressed in clean street clothes, but had an open bottle of beer in one hand and a lit cig in the other.

Never since have I ever seen anyone that angry, and part of me really believed this man was out to kill someone. He happened to pick me. I was 16 years old, and not dressed in any provocative way, actually something similar to this but the guy just stopped right in front of me and proceeded to spew the most racial sexist insults. I tried not to let it affect me, but after having this guy inches away from my face screaming how all white women are whores and they should be put under ground, for what seemed like eternity, I let it eat me up inside. Normally I would react and say something, but that day I stood quiet only whispering a "please leave me alone". I even carried a pocket knife on me, but some part of me just felt that this guy was going to murder me right then and there if I even moved the wrong way.

In the end he got off the train first, but not before throwing his lit cigarette at me and splashing the beer on the floor so it would hit me. The thing that bothered me the most is that not a single person did a thing. Not one. Most people looked away, except one guy who when asked by the man if he agreed that "cunts like me should get raped and murdered" the guy nodded yes. Yes. I lost faith in humanity in a big way that day. After the menacing man left, a girl sat next to me to ask if I was ok, I told her it was no big deal being NY and all... but two minutes later I stepped off the train and couldn't stop shaking and crying for half an hour. It affected me for years to come, I think because I was very young and in a bad place as it was.

Now... I couldn't care less. I would punch that dick in the nuts he probably doesn't have anyway.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

this comment is so late. nobody will probably read it but i don't care.
that's so horrible. I can't believe nobody said anything. but that happens a lot to women on public transit. my friend told me of a time when she was on a train in Los Angeles when a man demanded to see her breasts and have sex with him. another of my friends told me how she saw a guy sit behind a girl on the train and started to touch her back. it's really disgusting.
i'm sorry that happened to you.

Luna said...

I'm commenting way late on this, too, but I feel for you for having to go through that. I've been harassed in more private settings than this, and it bothered me for quite a while, so I can only imagine having to deal with a guy like that with TONS of people around, and none of them helping you. I know it's herd mentality or whatever that compels people to ignore an uncomfortable situation, but I wish we could have more cases of herd mentality when it comes to HELPING someone out, especially a 16-year-old kid.